i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
