apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
