i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
