I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
