Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
