Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
