How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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