Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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