My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Randomize
