walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
