Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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