No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
