Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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