Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
