Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
