I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My vagina is very pro this idea
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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