her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize