and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
