umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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