I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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