He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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