Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
