Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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