Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
