I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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