i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just pynch a tree in the face
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize