Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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