this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
