ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
