I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
