talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
She bit a glass in half.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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