Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize