yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
