I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
