totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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