i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
