i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
