and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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