The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
