I can tuck mytits in my pants
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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