She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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