your parents love me but you hate me
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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