He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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