I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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