At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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