i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
