So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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