Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
