After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
