I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
