you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
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