Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
