Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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