$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
