Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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