You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
We need a shit load of segways right now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
