Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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