she takes plan B like it's going out of style
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize