Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
