he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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