i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
