I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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