If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
