We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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