i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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