you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
