She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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