i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
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