And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize