I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
