I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
