you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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