I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
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