a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Is it because I queefed?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
