the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
