apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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