You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
