first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
