OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
