My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
