i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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