You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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