You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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