Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
