I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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