Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you will always have a special place in my vag
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
