Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
