Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
