Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
