My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
