The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
