I bet he comes in French.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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