dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
