I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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