Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
