found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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