i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
