This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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