he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
whose parrot is this?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
