maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
