my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we're so committed to being not committed
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