so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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