Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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