i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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