she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
