I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
how drunk are you?
Several
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
