Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He better not be in your backpack
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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