you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
