Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
