The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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