We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
